How to Work with Backstabbers

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pottstown-weekend-marketWhen you think about backstabbers, your first impression is to run away.  Keep away from them, in fact, you can find in Proverbs, when you see evil, run away from it. 

The problem is, we are not aware of the backstabbers until it is too late.  At least, that’s what we want to tell our conscious self.  In reality, we usually know who these people are.  God let us know early in the game, as soon as we are exposed to this person, he tells, “don’t trust, her”, but we usually don’t listen.  He gives us a feeling deep inside of our soul, he makes us aware of words, comments of this person, but we pretend, we didn’t get it… until it is too late.

Ladies, open your eyes and know, that everyone is not going to like you!  And that is perfectly fine, not everyone like pizza or fried chicken, and that is OK.    It was the hardest thing for me to understand.  Very early in my career, I noticed that some people would tend to gravitate towards me and others didn’t.  I didn’t understand why, and it hurt.  And one day, winning about with a friend, he was a good friend, a lawyer and judge, who told me “Fay, this is not a popularity contest, leadership is about making decisions and doing what you need to do for the organization.  There will be people who like you and others may not.”  I learned to deal with it and had to navigate through a lot of backstabbing, and yes, I survive it all.  The stories are too numerous to share, but they all taught me about people and about myself.

My Candid words to you:

At work, know your environment.  Understand the people that are around you, their needs and their goals.  If you do this, you can foresee, in advance, the qualities and behaviors of a backstabber.  Keep your career goals to yourself.  Share what is necessary and keep away from TMI (Too Much Information).  People at work, don’t need to know all about your life.  “Share with your eyes open.”

When you discover that someone is backstabbing other co-workers, be aware and keep your guard up.  Don’t take it personal, know that if she did it to others, she will do it to you.

If you are a product of a backstabber, you have to make a decision.

“Do I confront the person” or “do I pretend not to know”

Once you make up your own mind, go to work.

If you decide to confront the person:

  • Speak from your own point of view, your feelings and the results of the damage (if there was any)
  • Are you ready to clean up, if you need to take responsibility for your own actions, do so.
  • Brace yourself and listen to how the “backstabber” defend her actions or not.
  • You may go back and forth be careful not to keep wounding yourself or the other person.
  • Get to the point of an interpersonal agreement or contract.
  • Try not bring it up again once the “contract” was dealt with and signed. However, keep your guard up.
  • If she deny the allegations, be open to accept that she will not take responsibility.
  • Are your ready to agree to disagree?

 If you decide pretend not to know:

  • Have a plan.
  • Work on your heart and try that your attitude don’t become unproductive.
  • Don’t compromise your values.
  • Be clear on where you are and where you are going.
  • Be watchful of your conversation with this person and her friends/connections
  • Keep your work on point
  • Don’t be afraid to toot your horn.

Final words.  Believe or not, a backstabber may believe that she is justified. In many instances, they don’t feel that they are in fact, backstabbing.  They actually find that their behavior is justifiable in some way or form.  My question to you is, have you ever backstab yourself through self-doubt and self-sabotage?   You can move on from others, but can you move on from yourself and still be successful?  Keep your eyes on the price and believe in yourself, as you continue through your journey.

10409366_10153343055688825_2120688369892497368_nFay A. Lawrence, MBA, ITF.  She is a Leadership and HR Strategist, Author and Master Trainer.  Fay has been providing human development solutions and change management for more than 20 years at the national and international level in English and Spanish.  Fay works with Fortune 500 companies as well as with Non-Profits and Governmental Agencies.  She is committed to be a support and guide for organizations who want to transform their culture and develop their leadership in order to be effective and relevant in today’s market.  For more information, contact her at or visit the website at:







A Business Degree Doesn’t Do Much for Your Resume

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Majoring in business does not improve one’s prospects of landing a job in business — but internships do, according to a study led by John M. Nunley at the University of Wisconsin–La Crosse. The researchers sent about 9,400 fictitious resumes to online job openings in business-related fields, such as finance, management, and marketing. Resumes were randomly assigned one of nine different majors (e.g., accounting, biology, economics, English, finance), and four resumes were submitted to each ad. Resumes with business degrees were not significantly more likely to lead to an interview, but resumes listing internship experience were 14% (2.2 percentage points) more likely to receive an interview request than those without. Internship experience may signal traits valued by employers, such as innate ability or advanced skills, the researchers suggest.

Source: College major, internship experience, and employment opportunities: Estimates from a résumé audit

No Sabes Cuánto Tiempo Tienes, da Gracias, Hoy

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_el Problema es que crees que tienes tiempo_Hace una semana falleció una compañera del colegio, la muerte de Maribel me dejo, perpleja y reflexionando sobre una frase que escuche hace unos meses atrás de mi Coach, que dice… “El Problema es que Crees que Tienes Tiempo.”  Como?  Si, Crees que tienes tiempo… y no lo tienes.  Siento decírtelo, pero tus días y los míos están contados y mañana no es prometido.  Cuando recibí el mensaje que Maribel falleció, me di cuenta, que yo soy una de las que está pensando que tiene tiempo para hacer todas las cosas en mi lista (y es larga).

Con todo esto y al ver que las fiestas de fin de nuevo año están a la vuelta de la esquina, quiero compartir con ustedes este deseo que tengo.

Sé, que Thanksgiving (Día de Acción de Gracias) no es un día feriado, ni celebrado en la mayoría de los países, sin embargo el principio de agradecimiento no tiene nada que ver con el pavo, pero todo que ver con la comunidad, las relaciones de familiares y amigos.

Personalmente es un día para recordar y dar gracias por lo que tengo.  Mañana, al reunirme con mi familia antes de la comida, nos tomamos de la mano y le damos gracias a Dios por las cosas que nos dio en este año, desde los niños hasta los grandes.  Es un ritual que me llena el corazón y me hace meditar de lo maravilloso que es mi vida (con lo bueno y con lo malo).  Esa emoción, me gustaría que durara todo el año y más que nada, me gustaría ver que otros tengan esa experiencia.

Me gustaría proponerte algo, NO, no quiero que cocines pavo, ni jamón mañana.  Te propongo un mes de DAR GRACIAS, un mes de agradecimientos.

Si,  por un mes, del 25 de Noviembre al 25 de Diciembre, toma 5 minutos de los 1440 minutos que tiene un día, para dar GRACIAS por 3 cosas, solo eso.  Sí, das gracias por 3 cosas que tienes actualmente, no lo que quieres tener, ni lo que Dios te prometió para el futuro.

Toma los primeros minutos de la mañana o los últimos de la noche, para dar gracias.  Vas a darle gracias a Dios, cada día por 3 cosas que tienes en este momento (por su presencia, tus manos, tus hijos, no se), oh, al describir las tres cosas, siente el agradecimiento con todas las fibras de tu corazón y de tu ser.  Importante,  las tres cosas deben ser diferentes cada día… no puedes repetir las cosas, cada día deben ser cosas diferentes, si lo sé, no es justo, pero yo sé que tienes mucho que agradecer.  Si quieres escribirlas, mucho mejor, así puedes observar tu crecimiento.

Te prometo, que si sigues estas instrucciones,  veras resultados, luego me cuentas en público o privado.  Feliz Mes de Acción de Gracias

Un abrazo

The Perfect Fit… A Hiring Journey

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Before you start your hiring process, it is key that you assess your own organization.    Hiring is like dating, the person you are searching for, needs to have chemistry with you and the organization.  The person don’t have to be like you, the person needs to complement you.

  1.  Understand the culture of your organization.  What type of people is successful andKilimanjaro what type of people don’t make it.  You have to be brutally honest with yourself.
    1. Know and understand your culture
    2. Know and understand your team and how this person will work with the rest of the team.
    3. Will the person deal with external customers or will this new employee deal only with your internal team.
  2. Clearly define the duties, responsibility and the competencies necessary for the job.  What will you tolerate and what are non-negotiable.
  3. Have a clear description of the type of person you want for the position.  Be descriptive in the ideal person and the personality that is required to be successful in the position.  This will help you when you start the interviewing process.  For example:
    1. Introvert (because, this person will be dealing directly with internal accounts, the position is analytical…)
    2. Need to be comfortable and available to work long hours and weekends.
  4. Decide what you can and what you cannot live without.  Some of my clients will tell me, Fay, I need someone who is a people person; I can train them to do the job.  Clarify the MUST haves and be strategic.  Do you want someone with a lot experience and great people skills or do you want someone who is focused and a solo worker.  Be clear.
  5. If you own a small business or you are an entrepreneur, you should be doing the final interviews yourself, you know more than anyone else what you are looking for, don’t delegate this process.  Remember that your team is the reflection of the owner.  If it’s a large organization, the supervisor should be doing the final interviews.
  6. When you interview, base your questions on past experience and performance vs the future performance.  Ask the person questions about when they performed the duties you are hiring for, this method will give you a better perspective on experience.  Ask them, to “tell me about a situation when you…?”, “how did you react, when?”, “what was your role?”  Then, listen and probe when appropriate.
  7. Interview 3 to 5 people to give you a better scope of the interviewees.  Don’t go for the first person and say that is it!  I found the perfect fit.  Shop around, remember, hiring is like dating!
  8. NEVER FORGET: Hire slowing and Fire quickly.  You will save you and your organization a lot of time, effort and money.

10409366_10153343055688825_2120688369892497368_nFay A. Lawrence, MBA, ITF.  She is a HR Strategist, Author and Master Trainer.  She has been providing human development solutions and change management for more than 15 years at the national and international level in English and Spanish.  Fay works with Fortune 500 companies as well as with Non-Profits and Governmental Agencies.  She is committed to be a support and guide for organizations who want to transform their culture and develop their leadership in order to be effective and relevant in today’s market.  For more information, contact her at or visit the website at:


Keeping Employees Happy

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KEEP YOUR Dream Team

Keeping the members of your team happy can be as challenging or rewarding as keeping children happy on a summer day in Coney Island.  It takes focus, hard work and perseverance.  Not everyone is motivated the same way for the same things (or rides).

  • It all starts from the beginning.  Your selection process, hire competent candidates that will fit into your culture and who can work in your environment.  When you hire the “perfect” team member look for a balance between the technical skills, soft skills and culture.  Your selection should bring harmony to the team (even if you are playing jazz or a symphony).  Not all cultures are created equal, a great selection makes the team and the company reviews happy.  A bad selection, becomes painful for you, the new employee and the team members.
  • Know Thy Team members, understand their dreams, desires and professional struggles.  If you know where your team member wants to go, then you help him achieve his desires, you will have a loyal employee for years (since forever no longer exists in this new and changing environment).
  • Show the person the big picture and how she fits in.  If your team members understand how their contributions are key for the success of the organization, they will become productive.  If not, you are creating an unproductive team that will do just enough to get by.
  • Create a culture that celebrates achievement and teamwork.  Productivity is a contact sport, if your team understand their role and how their individual input will help other team members to solve customer’s problems and increase the bottom line, you will have happier employees, eager to serve.
  • Last but not least, financial rewards.  Money don’t make people happy all the time, but it helps.  Individual bonuses are always welcomed, but consider providing team bonuses to enhance a team spirit and ensure real teamwork.

People don’t quit jobs, people quit their bosses!  Create an open door strategy and listen to your people, it will create a culture of understand.  When everything else fails, learn to let go.  If the person is not happy and your culture is not meeting their financial or aspirational needs, let the person go!

Fay A. Lawrence, MBA, ITF.  She is a Leadership/HR Consultant, Master Trainer and Coach.  She has been providing human development solutions and change management for more than 15 years at the national and international level in English and Spanish.  Fay has worked with Fortune 500 companies as well as with Non-Profits and Governmental Agencies.  She is committed to be a support and guide for organizations who want to transform their culture and develop their leadership in order to be effective and relevant in today’s market.

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